If I, Ava, could un-invent something, it would undoubtedly be shame. For decades, I lived in a world crafted by its heavy, suffocating hands, a world where I felt compelled to hide my true self in the shadows of fear and misunderstanding. Shame became an unwelcome companion, whispering lies about who I was and convincing me that the light of authenticity was too dangerous to embrace.
Shame, as I experienced it, was a thief. It stole years of my life, years that could have been filled with joy, love, and the freedom of living as the person I was created to be. It robbed me of confidence, teaching me to mask my identity to fit into a mold that was never meant for me. It silenced my voice, convincing me that to speak my truth would only invite judgment and rejection. Worst of all, it distorted my understanding of God, leading me to believe that the divine love I cherished was contingent upon my conformity to the expectations of others.
But shame is not inherent to us; it is invented. It is a construct, passed down through systems and societies that benefit from our silence and compliance. For too long, I accepted shame as a natural part of life. I allowed it to shape my decisions, relationships, and sense of worth. Yet, looking back, I see that shame never served me; it only stifled me. It prevented me from seeing the beauty of my queerness and the strength of my identity as a genderqueer woman of faith.
Un-inventing shame would mean dismantling the oppressive narratives that teach us to feel unworthy for being different. It would mean reclaiming the parts of us that society has deemed unacceptable. If shame were un-invented, perhaps I would have grown up in a world where I could have stepped into the light without fear, a world where I was celebrated for who I am rather than forced to hide.
Without shame, my journey of self-discovery might have started sooner, and my walk with the Lord might have been unburdened by the fear that my identity would somehow separate me from divine love. In un-inventing shame, I imagine a world where people are free to live authentically, to love fully, and to express their truest selves without fear of condemnation or exclusion.
Yet, as I reflect, I also see that shame, while devastating, was not the final word in my story. Though I lived in its shadow for too long, I eventually found the courage to step into the light, to claim my truth, and to embrace the love of a God who celebrates my authenticity. In the process, I have learned to extend compassion to myself and to others who are still wrestling with shame’s grip.
Un-inventing shame may not be possible, but I can work to unlearn it, to dismantle it where I see it, and to replace it with grace, love, and affirmation. My story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of living in truth. If un-inventing shame can bring that freedom to others, then it is a mission worth pursuing with all my heart.
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